I give and give and give some more
All fuelled by love and nothing else
And when I've got no more to give
I find inside there is some more

Love is unending
Love prevails
Love goes through the storms
When our strength fails
And we are spent
We rise again
We rise again

For who can stop love?
It is like a river
That flows to the parts of our loved ones soul
And makes them feel safe and secure

We have bad days
we mess up
We lose our temper
And feel we have failed

Yet no one is perfect
And it's okay
God knows we crack from time to time
Because we are human vessels

It's love that mends
The carer and the cared for
And honest truth
Of sorry when we fail

Then we embrace
Or see in their eyes
That our relationship
Did not break

Human, messy, tears and despair
Anger, pain and end of tether
STILL we find strength for another day
As God's peace, joy and love is our true strength

I wandered, searching for a pew
With gloss or cushion, vault or hall,
A congregation, vast or few,
Befriending siblings of the stall;
A group with welcome in their heart,
And ready kindness to impart.
​
A wave of music swept the room
Curtailing chat and calling prayers:
Binding threads within a loom
Of praise to God and rest for cares:
I prayed - and prayed - focusing thought 
On woes and blessings I had brought.

For oft when on my couch I sit,
On worldly ails I'm apt to brood,
And long for help to make me fit
To share the load and lift the mood,
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances, Lord, through vales and hills.

(With an apology to William Wordsworth for sullying his style.)

​We sit together but I am alone
We share a meal but I am alone
We say good morning but I am alone
We sit and have coffee but I am alone
We sit and watch television but I am alone
We are prisoners with invisible bars
We are held in by your mental health of fear
Routine is our constant
I can see him I know he is there
Same on the outside
I recognise his face
All emotion is gone I don’t remember him
Yes I am alone
​
We get up and don’t plan the day
We will have to cope with whatever comes our way
Times of joy and moments of pain
Dear Lord help keep me sane
Strengthen us enough for each day
Help me Lord to find a way
To have patience and calm throughout the storm
For I know this is not the norm.

​A Day in the Lakes
Finally seeing those mountains
Reaching into the sky towards Heaven
Escaping all the busyness and demands on my time
Sharing with Chris, or sometimes a friend
Having found peace, and Heaven on earth

Holly writes: "​Poetry helped to vent my feelings and frustrations, plus to document the act of care-giving, progress of my Mum's dementia, entity of Covid upto and beyond the death of my Step-Father at home, and 'red light' my own mental crisis - which led to my change of role from Primary Carer (24/7 live-in) to Secondary Carer (supporting my brother, now non-resident Prime Carer, and the family and professional Care Teams)."

Someone enquires.
Memory stirs.
It hurts.
Please leave my grief untouched,
The pain's too much.
"Oh, she's still here."
But she's not.

​I am not alone
But I’m lonely

I live with my son, caring for his needs,
But I’m lonely

I have friends to talk with, laugh with and share with,
But I’m lonely

I have community work and lots of things to do
But I’m lonely

I talk too much, I know, when out with friends,
But I’m lonely

I love the woods, the mountains, lake and sky
Out here, I’m NOT lonely

I’m home alone, while my son’s away, just me and my thoughts,
With prayer, I’m really.. not.. that lonely

​A Haikus by Mary, which she wrote based on Psalm 23 and then was blessed to see the beautiful scene below on a walk in the countryside.

Fresh life streams free-flow.
Hills restore;  eyes high, not low.
Lush pastures green grow. ​

​At night,
The tears often trickle down my face, in the dark.
I lay in my usual place.
My Jackie next to me.
We are together,
But separated by the night.
It should be well with my soul,
But it isn't.
It never will be now.
Though I know my God is always there.
Faithful God, so unchanging.
My secure rock, my constant Helper.
I lay my doubts, fears, and anxiety on Him.

These last months have seen change.
The pandemic has accelerated change.
I try to maintain routine,
But it is nigh impossible. 
The unimagined, and daily unmanageable, merge together, then split apart. 
I desperately strive to keep, and hold the tiny, individual pieces of daily living, knitted;
But they break, and splinter - every time.
A friend makes contact.
It is remote because of the virus.
It feels remote.

Each days' challenges take a little more of my being.
I am become what I do not wish to be.
A living shadow of myself.
Nearly sixty years of love, continues,
And will continue, until we are parted by sweet death.

I am not afraid of death,
Though I am often frightened of living.

My faith in the Living God alone, sustains me.