The tears often trickle down my face, in the dark.
I lay in my usual place.
My Jackie next to me.
We are together,
But separated by the night.
It should be well with my soul,
But it isn't.
It never will be now.
Though I know my God is always there.
Faithful God, so unchanging.
My secure rock, my constant Helper.
I lay my doubts, fears, and anxiety on Him.
These last months have seen change.
The pandemic has accelerated change.
I try to maintain routine,
But it is nigh impossible.
The unimagined, and daily unmanageable, merge together, then split apart.
I desperately strive to keep, and hold the tiny, individual pieces of daily living, knitted;
But they break, and splinter - every time.
A friend makes contact.
It is remote because of the virus.
It feels remote.
Each days' challenges take a little more of my being.
I am become what I do not wish to be.
A living shadow of myself.
Nearly sixty years of love, continues,
And will continue, until we are parted by sweet death.
I am not afraid of death,
Though I am often frightened of living.
My faith in the Living God alone, sustains me.