​Visiting care home residents
We are really grateful to new befrienders who are visiting care home residents weekly and bringing companionship and joy to these residents. They are making such a positive difference.

One resident, who doesn't communicate much, is enjoying her weekly visits. Her volunteer brings gardening magazines and this has sparked lovely conversations about gardens and flowers and lots of reminiscing. The Activities Coordinator told us "we can't believe how chatty she's been, it's great to hear the laughter coming from her room".

Another resident, who has been reluctant to join group activities, has enjoyed sharing her photo albums and talking about her family with a volunteer befriender. The Activities Coordinator says that "Margaret's visits have made a great difference to Jean's well being and she has been feeling more confident to join in and has been in better spirits".

Another volunteer has been spending time with a resident who has just moved into the care home and is finding it hard to adjust to her new surroundings. Mary met her on her first visit and they bonded instantly. The Activities Coordinator says "Mary's presence in the home has really helped Jan settle in and feel at ease".

One of our new volunteer befrienders told us, “Volunteer visiting is so rewarding. Getting to know the residents is a privilege whether through sharing laughter or listening to worries. The volunteer training for residents with dementia has been extremely helpful.”

We would love to be able to welcome more befrienders as we develop links with more care homes and receive referrals for residents who would really benefit from regular visits.

Events - watch this space!
​We have a fundraising Christmas quiz planned. Individuals and groups are invited to purchase a quiz sheet, which will be available from November, and answers need to be submitted by the first week of January. There will be questions for all ages, and we hope families will enjoy taking part together. There will be prizes too!

We are also planning some Christmas shopping, craft, and pamper events in the lead-up to Christmas. More details of the quiz and events will be posted on our Facebook page, "Embracing Age Hampshire," in the coming months so follow that to keep updated, or contact the Hampshire team for more details.

It's certainly been a summer of unpredictable weather and perhaps you have had plans cancelled or changed due to sudden stormy conditions?

The marvellous community behind Embracing Age Isle of Wight did not let heavy rain dampen their spirits at their recent Vintage Afternoon Tea Garden Party fundraiser, pushing on to enjoy a wonderful afternoon and raising over £3,000! Incredible! 

The money raised will help bring companionship and joy to more care home residents without family and friends or those that are particularly isolated. ​

One of the guests commented, "What a lovely happy party!" and a volunteer helper said afterwards, "I really enjoyed it, what a wonderful event. I'm usually in the kitchen but I really enjoyed waitressing." ​

It's always risky thanking people by name for fear of accidentally missing anyone! However, here are a few people we would particularly like to mention: 

• Barbara  & Alan for the use of their beautiful garden and all that it entailed to organise the event.
• Ryde Tesco Extra amazingly donated food to cover all the delicious sandwiches, as well as crisps and salad garnish. 
• A number of Island businesses donated to the generous raffle prizes, which we are so very grateful for in this tough economic climate.
• The star auction lot included a two night stay with breakfast at Haven Hall 5 star hotel in Shanklin generously  donated by owners David & Arielle Barratt.
• Maggie Molyneux, one of the volunteers on our fundraising team baked and donated the cakes and scones, which were delicious.
• Kimberley Jennings donated the use of her beautiful china trios, milk jugs and sugar bowls collection, and Claire Leah donated the use of her beautiful tiered cake stands from her business  Claireskitcheniow.co.uk, all of which made the event look gorgeous.
• True Vine Church and Youth For Christ Team and helpers for lending and erecting the marquee which saved the event from being cancelled due to rain.
• Everyone that volunteered both up to the event, during and afterwards - especially our volunteers who gracefully delivered the tiered cake stands in the rain! You are amazing and we could not have pulled off the event without all of you.

This event could not have happened without the generosity of all those that came together to make it a wonderful event with a very generous amount of money raised for island care home residents. Thank you to everyone that contributed through donating time, skills, use of items such as china and the marquee, gifts for prizes, donations and their attendance at the event. This really is Island community life at its best!

You can find out more about Embracing Age Isle of Wight here. We have lots of different ways to get involved as an individual or an organisation and for a range of time and skills, and we would love to welcome you into the team to bring joy and companionship to more isolated care home residents across the island.   ​

By popular demand, we held another summer quiz last week, which dare we say it was even better than last year's! 

Around 84 people joined in and it was lovely to see people who had come on their own being welcomed so warmly into teams. Sean Carey, a writer for The Chase, was again an excellent Quiz Master, setting the balance perfectly between questions that were hard enough to be interesting but not impossible. Huge thanks to Sean for agreeing to come back and deliver such an enjoyable quiz.

We are so grateful to our volunteer fundraiser, Sarah Ricketts, for organising this fundraising social for the second year running and making it a truly fun evening. One guest sent this fantastic feedback: "I just wanted to personally thank you and your colleagues for what was a great Quiz night on Friday. I am a member of a Quiz team and we try to go to all of the local charity Quiz nights. We all said that this was one of the best we have been to."

Special thanks also goes to: 

• everyone who volunteered to help Sarah - from managing the AV equipment, running the bar, front of house and selling raffle tickets, setting up and clearing away, and everything in between. We are so grateful to you all for your time and energy.
• St Stephen's Church, Twickenham for providing their great venue.
• the businesses who so generously donated items and prizes:  Your Bakery, Whitton; Rosie Chai; Frames of Twickenham; Kew Gardens; Squires Garden Centre; Osteria Pulcinella; Blush Beauty; Volta's Spa and Beauty; The Angel and Crown Richmond; St Margaret's Fish Bar; Gail's Twickenham; Saffron Persian Grill; Next; St Margaret's Wines; Oree Richmond; Rose Theatre; Hilton Syon Park; Eel Pie Pub; Portofino Pizzeria, Richmond; Harris and Toole, Twickenham; and Venchi Richmond.

And of course huge thanks to everyone that came along and made it such a fun evening, and supported us so generously! 

​Overall the evening raised a fantastic £1,115 - which will make a huge difference to our projects befriending care home residents and supporting informal carers. 

A huge success, a highly enjoyable evening and one we are keen to repeat! If you'd like to hear about upcoming events, you can sign up for our quarterly newsletter here.

Robert Frost wrote "Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and its thought has found words." 

Many of the informal carers in our Carers Connected group have found reading, or writing their own, poetry is a great way to channel the emotional challenges of caring for a loved one into thoughts and words to express that jumble of feelings. So, to mark National Poetry Day, we are sharing their poems to help other carers find a sense of togetherness and to offer non-carers an insight into their experiences. 

For some carers, poetry may be a way to express gratitude for something positive, perhaps on the power of nature to give some respite, like the poem below shared by Judy. 

For other carers, poetry might be a way to process feelings, recognise their limits and find the strength to ask for help. Holly told us "poetry helped to vent my feelings and frustrations, plus document the act of care-giving, the progress of my Mum's dementia, entity of Covid up to and beyond the death of my Step-Father at home, and 'red light' my own mental crisis - which led to my change of role from Primary Carer (24/7 live-in) to Secondary Carer (supporting my brother, now non-resident Prime Carer, and the family and professional Care Teams)." 

Other carers might find comfort through reading poetry written by others.

Claudia told us, "When my fiancé suffered a catastrophic brain injury back in November 2020 my life as I knew it changed forever, leaving me to make some of the hardest and most brutal decisions on behalf of my partner I would have never envisaged were even conceivable. 

One of the hardest challenges for me being a carer, an advocate and devoted partner was the loneliness and isolation I would suffer. Even though he has professional care from the home he resides in, I believe, we, the loved ones often, can be the only ones able to be the psychological support that is so fundamentally important. So my journey began to find some support, some connection and self-care, this being something so easy to neglect when caring for someone else.

People find this in various ways, it could be friends and family, support groups or therapy, but initially for me, unable to connect or cope with anything from the outside world I found my solace through Poetry.

To quote from a book called “The Poetry Pharmacy – Tried and true prescriptions for the mind a soul” William Sieghart says in his intro: “To find the right poem at the crucial moment. One capable of expressing our situation with considerably more elegance then we can. Ourselves, it is to discover a powerful sense of complexity. And that precious realisation, I'm not the only one that feels like this.”

And how true I found that to be, the words of someone you have never and will never meet can be of so much comfort; comfort that can be impossible from all those that may know you.  

Some days when I am feeling lost, alone and desperate for guidance I reach for my friend ‘poetry’ and open the book at a random page and ask for guidance. A particular book I turn to is called “Along the way” by Nikki Banas and, on a particularly dark and lost day, my book gave me some advice that has given me the strength and faith on the toughest days. It's called “Surrender” and below is an extract."

Huge thanks to Judy, Holly and Claudia for sharing their poems and reflections about poetry with us.

You can find more poems and reflections written by members of our Carers Connected group on our Reflections by Carers page. Do keep an eye out for new reflections posted regularly.  

If you are an informal carer and would like to join our Carers Connected support group, or browse our resources for carers, please visit our For Carers page. 

I heard a lovely song recently on the Radio 4 Daily Service, which contrasted an eagle effortlessly soaring high on thermals, with a sparrow flapping wildly but not getting very high.  What helps you to rise above the storm?  As well as the practical suggestions above, as a Christian I’ve been so grateful to know that there is a loving heavenly Father who cares and, if I let Him, is more than willing to lift me on eagle’s wings. 

I’m no expert, and my experience is limited, but now my caring role is over, and I have time to reflect, what else have I learnt about coping with stress in caring?

• Recognise it’s the illness, not the person, who is behaving in a challenging way.  Perhaps I was fortunate that my husband’s behaviour and verbal ability changed so rapidly and dramatically, that it was very quickly obvious that he was ill and no longer the real man I’d married.  Maybe it’s harder to recognise the role of the illness if the decline is more gradual, with challenging behaviour interspersed with normal behaviour.
• Be gentle on yourself. Caring for a loved one is a new and unknown path that affects everyone, and every relationship, differently.  Yes, there’s some information and advice available, but ultimately you are negotiating a path unique to you both.  So go easy on yourself if you feel you’ve messed up one day.
• Celebrate your achievements. Before you go to sleep, review the day and acknowledge the good things in it.  Feel free to congratulate yourself when you’ve coped with a particularly stressful situation.
• Recognise you're experiencing a form of bereavement. Each decline in your loved one’s condition requires adjustment – a letting go of what has been and a loss of what might have been.  I don’t think I’d realised at the time how mentally and emotionally demanding that can be on the carer.​

As I said, I'm not an expert - I'm just one of many people who has negotiated their own unique path as a carer. But maybe there’ll be something in these ramblings that encourages someone who is currently feeling their way along their own unique path of caring.  God Bless you all.
 
*A comfort box of sensory items is a box of things which evoke positive feelings. For example a favourite photo, a cute drawing by one of your grandchildren, very soft material, a tub of bubbles to blow and watch, hand cream, scented candle, and a piece of bubblewrap, because who doesn’t like popping the bubbles! I kept my box on view, because sometimes, even just remembering its contents, was enough to help me relax a bit. 

"OF ALL the people affected by the events of the past two years, care-home residents have, arguably, suffered more than most." 

Julie McKee has published an excellent article in the Church Times on care homes being on the "front line" and the deep need for churches to come alongside their local care homes. The article features a range of suggestions to begin / resume that ministry and shines a spotlight on the work of Embracing Age and the ways we can equip churches in this ministry - not just for leading services but also coming alongside staff and residents in companionship and helping them feel linked to their local community. 

You can read the full article here. 

If you’d like to explore ideas for your church to come alongside care home staff and residents, please see our resources for churches, which can be adapted to suit any size of church team or contact us to discuss webinars, training or any other queries.

We're thrilled to announce that our fundraising quiz night raised a whopping £755!

We are so grateful to Sarah Ricketts who volunteered to organise this fundraising social for us and pulled together a fantastic evening of entertainment for our first social event since the pandemic. One of the teams called themselves "Glad to Be Out!" and it certainly was brilliant to be part of the buzz of the evening after the last two years. 

Sean Carey, a writer for The Chase, was an excellent Quiz Master and set the balance perfectly between questions that were hard enough to be interesting but not impossible. We're so grateful to Sean for giving his time so generously to deliver such an enjoyable quiz.

Special thanks also goes to: 

• everyone who volunteered to help Sarah - from managing the AV equipment, running the bar, front of house and selling raffle tickets, setting up and clearing away, and everything in between. We are so grateful to you all for your time and energy.
• St Stephen's Church, Twickenham for providing their great venue.
• the businesses who so generously donated prizes, meaning raffle tickets sold like hot cakes: Pizzeria Portofino Richmond, Saffron Richmond, Coffeeology, Snax Cafe, Nando's, Osteria Pulcinella, GAIL's Bakery, The Three Kings Pub Twickenham, The Eel Pie Twickenham , David Lloyd Clubs UK, Frames of Twickenham and Squire's Garden Centres.

And of course huge thanks to everyone that came along and made it such a fun evening, and supported us so generously! 

A huge success and a highly enjoyable evening and one we are keen to repeat so watch this space! 

That’s amazing at such a young age! So where did life and music take you as you headed into adult life?

By the age of 17, a series of events and miracles led me to become a born again Christian and from that point my life changed and I found myself on a journey of faith really. I spent my late teens through to my mid twenties at a Bible College where I met Josh. We got married in 2011 and joined YWAM (that’s Youth With a Mission) which led us to various volunteer mission trips overseas, to places like Ukraine, Albania and America. In every country I found that although the cultures were diverse, beautiful and different in their own unique ways, the brokenness of humanity is pretty much the same everywhere. 

As someone who went through a lot in my younger years, I know what it means to be hurt and broken. I have also discovered what it can look like to set out on a healing journey and to find ongoing freedom. It’s out of my bad and good experiences that I have wanted to serve God and help others also. 

In my mid twenties after a long break from singing professionally my old music college tutor offered to produce an album for me. He helped me to develop as a songwriter and play my songs alongside a full country/rock band and record them for my debut original album 'Morning Star'. This led to me playing in churches, bars, soup kitchens, care homes and music festivals; only this time I felt I had so much more to give in terms of my story, life experience and able to relate with my audience a lot more compassionately than my younger years. I like to think the more we experience as human beings, the more compassionate we become, and especially as a Christian, the deeper my love for Jesus grows, the more I find that I have the capacity to love others better. 

Tell us a bit about your album ‘Abide with Me’ - what was your inspiration behind it, and what was it like recording it at home during the start of the pandemic? 

Before the pandemic I had plans to travel abroad with my husband Josh on several mission trips and teach in some youth classes. I also had gigs lined up and a new original project to record for my second album. But when the pandemic hit, like many others, I found myself stuck at home with many plans cancelled. As a Christian I love to pray and spend time meditating with my Bible and sometimes play music alongside these devotional times. I found myself picking up an old hymn book and just reading through some of the lyrics. I was touched by the comfort, peace and hope found in many of the words to the hymns. It also reminded me of when my grandparents used to play old vinyl records and on some of those records old traditional hymns are recorded in a country and western style! I love the hymn 'Abide with Me' and it seemed so fitting for the season we were all in around the world! ​

I have received messages from friends saying that the hymns really encouraged their loved ones in care homes.  I also received positive feedback and an invite to sing 'Abide with Me' at a funeral. I went and sang, although it was a tough one seeing people sitting so far apart and masked, as I was the only one allowed to sing. This made me feel very sad, but at the same time I knew it was encouraging the family and friends of the person who had passed away.  ​

Do you have any personal experience of care homes?

Yes! I have visited friends in nursing homes and had the privilege of singing in a few too! The first time I sang in a care home was in the town I was born and bred, a place called Moxley Court.  My junior school friend Max and I sang some Abba songs and a few war time songs. My little sister did a dance and we put on quite the variety show for the residents, who were really overjoyed! We were only kids, so it really broke up the mundane routine and filled the place with some vibrant music and laughter too! 

More recently at a nursing home in the USA I had the privilege of visiting our dear friend's late mother, a sweet lady who sadly went through Alzheimer's. I got to sing and play guitar for the residents there and we shared some sweet moments, playing games, singing along and simply sitting with people and holding their hands as they shared their own life stories.
​

​We all know that keeping active in all phases of life is extremely important. As we age, there are a number of factors that can affect our ability to exercise but it is important to focus on what we can do, rather than what we cannot.  

Doing exercises that improve our flexibility, aerobic capacity, balance and strength are essential to maintain our overall fitness, improve our sense of well-being, enable us to carry out every day activities and, very importantly, to prevent falls.

So what do we need to do? Below are some suggestions for exercises that can be done every day to help us maintain these functions. Try and find a trigger to help remember to do some exercise – for example, while waiting for the kettle to boil.

1. Heel Raises
Facing and holding onto your kitchen worktop, rise up on the balls of your feet and lower down gently. Stand tall, knees relaxed, keeping your tummy muscles pulled in and your chin level. Do 10 repetitions. This exercise strengthens the ankles and calf muscles to improve balance and walking. Heel raises can also be done whilst sitting in a chair.

2. Arm Raises
Stand side on to your kitchen worktop, holding the worktop with one hand. Stand tall as above and, holding a can of soup or bottle of water in the other hand, raise the arm to shoulder level and down again. Keep a slight bend in the raised arm. Repeat 10 times on each side. This exercise strengthens the arms and shoulders to help with everyday tasks such as housework and gardening. This could also be done whilst seated.

3. Sit to Stand
Place a dining chair with its back against your kitchen worktop. Sit towards the front half of the chair, sit tall pulling in your tummy muscles, shoulders down and relaxed, draw feet back slightly so knees are over toes. Push down into the feet, lean forward and use momentum to push up from the chair to stand up fully. Sit back down gently. Repeat 10 times. This exercise strengthens the thigh muscles to help with climbing stairs and walking. A seated alternative would be to sit with your back against the back of a dining chair and raise alternate legs straight out in front of you – try to hold each leg for 10 seconds.

4. ‘Swimming’ forward and back
Stand or sit tall with feet hip width apart. Keeping your chin level and your tummy muscles pulled in, use alternate arms to perform a ‘front crawl’ swimming action keeping the elbow bent. Then take alternate hands up and back over the head as if brushing your hair. Aim to do 10 repetitions in each direction. Work within your own range and at your own pace. This improves shoulder mobility to aid in everyday living such as putting on your coat or reaching for a seat belt.

Please remember that it is never too late to start to exercise and that, to steal a phrase, ‘every little helps’!

If you have any concerns regarding your ability to exercise, please consult with your doctor or health professional before attempting these exercises.

We are delighted to announce that Allchurches Trust have awarded us a #HopeBeyond grant for our new Carers Connected project. Carers Together will provide a safe, friendly space for informal carers to connect with others over weekly Zoom calls, providing peer support, togetherness and prayer opportunities. ​

​We have spoken to Christian carers about the challenges of caring. It can be isolating and tiring - all the more during lockdown when usual activities like dementia cafes or day centres are closed. Nationally, 80% of carers say they feel lonely or isolated, and 61% have experienced physical ill health as a result of caring. Christian carers can find themselves cut off from their church community if they are unable to attend due to the needs of the person they care for. Others find attending church a welcome lifeline of support, but this has been disrupted by the pandemic. Online services have enabled many to worship from their homes, but not always to experience the fellowship they might get from attending in person.

Technological advancements during recent months, like Zoom, create opportunities to connect Christian carers across the country. Carers Connected will provide a safe space for them to connect weekly over Zoom to chat and pray, with regular guest speakers, followed by discussion groups. Those without online access will be able to phone in to participate. Carers told us they don't just want to talk about subjects relating to caring, but to tap into peoples' passions and talents, hearing about the diverse hobbies and interests of others, so this will be incorporated into the programme. 

​We will also be preparing resources for churches on caring for carers. 

We are busy behind the scenes getting a pilot project ready for launch. If you know a carer who might like to be involved, please encourage them to contact us to find out more. 

​We are hugely grateful to Allchurches Trust for their support in helping to make Carers Connected a reality.

We are excited to launch our first virtual challenge event and we would love to see people of all ages and abilities get involved.

​This year marks Embracing Age's 5th birthday and the event is all about celebrating what everyone, especially our volunteers, has achieved and doing something fun using everyone's individual talents to raise funds for the journey ahead.

As it's a virtual challenge, you can take part in your own time, wherever you're based, either as an individual or part of a team. Simply choose any challenge whether sporting, creative or anything else you fancy and link it to the number 5 whether by distance, time or quantity.

Click below to find out more and get involved.

I’d like to tell you about a friendship that's been forming between an elderly gentleman, Jack, and one of our volunteers, Serhan. Thanks to funding we secured from RPLC to provide tablet devices to care homes, that friendship is now continuing virtually using Skype.  

Jack (94) and his wife Rosie moved into a care home together last year, but Rosie sadly passed away just three months later. Jack is very interested in people and the world around him, but doesn’t tend to engage in group activities, preferring to spend most of his day in his room reading the newspaper and chatting to the staff one-on-one during their checks. He is visited regularly by one of our volunteers, Serhan, for about an hour each time. 

I visited Jack before the lockdown and had a rich and interesting chat with him on various topics - the history of the local area, war and peace, current affairs (which he is very up-to-speed on), life values, world travel, his late wife, as well as his regular visits from Serhan. He told me how much he values and appreciates Serhan’s visits and that he’s particularly interested to chat to Serhan about his home country of Turkey. Jack and Rosie travelled extensively together so he really enjoys being able to talk to someone from a different country and learn about their culture and the “real” side of their country that you wouldn’t see as a tourist. Chatting to Jack, it was clear that Serhan’s visits help him feel connected to the outside world and are something he looks forward to all week.

It was so heartwarming to hear from Serhan that he sees the friendship as something that also benefits him: “My friend is 94 years old and I have learnt a lot of things about Richmond and the UK from him. It is very good for me to understand UK society’s dynamics and changes during the last 85 years. He is always smiling when he sees me and always thanking me at the end of the visit. It makes me happy talking to him.”

The activities coordinator at Jack’s care home told us “the residents find the visits from your volunteers to be a life enhancing activity. Although we have a very busy activities programme here, it’s important for residents to be given opportunities for one to one meaningful engagement outside of this, especially for residents who may not receive many visitors. It's wonderful that the volunteers visit on such a regular basis as it provides the residents with continuity and has a huge positive impact on the resident's quality of life and well being.” 

It is always heartening to see what a difference the care home visits make to residents, volunteers and care home staff and we are so grateful to each of them for their time, support and engagement in these projects.

With the current restrictions on visiting care homes, it's now more important than ever to find ways to connect care home residents with their family, friends and our volunteers for that one to one companionship. Thanks to funding from RPLC we have donated tablet devices to care homes across the borough so that residents can join video calls. We were thrilled to hear that Jack and Serhan had their first Skype call this week and that Jack was really delighted by the experience. We look forward to more of our volunteer-resident friendships blossoming via video calls until visits can be resumed. 

Most care homes have now restricted visitors in order to protect their residents from the virus. It is a particularly challenging time for staff and residents, as an outbreak of the virus at a care home could be devastating. How can we support them?

It's a difficult question to answer, as the situation seems to be changing daily, but here are some general ideas that should be adapted to your local situation and read in the light of the most up to date government advice, which can be found here.

1. Give your care home a call and ask them what their needs are at this time and if there is any particular support they need. They may be so busy dealing with the urgent that they are unable to think of anything - let them know that they can contact you if they think of anything later on.
2. Show care home staff how much we appreciate all they are doing to look after and protect our vulnerable older people during this time of crisis. Send them a thank you card and some chocolates. 
3. In our area we are hoping to get some funding to buy android tablets to give to the care homes that staff can use to help residents have video chats with their loved ones. Residents with capacity can also use them to play online games like Words with Friends and chess, that connect them to the outside world. 
4. If you have a background in care, perhaps you could offer to go on a reserve list of bank staff that care home managers can call on should they experience a shortage.
5. If you have children at home, perhaps they could write letters or draw pictures that could be sent to the care homes to cheer the staff and residents.

Can you think of other ideas? Please feel free to add them to them in the comments section below.

Showcasing our Intergenerational Drama Project

We were thrilled to see the fruits of our intergenerational drama project last week when the Year 8 pupils showcased the final production to residents and their families at a local care home. The project involved Wendy (our Volunteer Coordinator, who is also a writer and actor) working with students from a local school, who spent time getting to know some care home residents, collecting stories from their lives, and turning these stories into a musical production.
 
The production, “Over The Rainbow”, was largely set around the 1940s and included favourite music from the era, which had several of the residents humming along and dancing in their chairs, which was a real delight to see. One resident said “I enjoyed it thoroughly. It brought back lots of memories, good and bad. But it was wonderful.” 
Another resident said “The girls had thought about what they were doing and they’d obviously taken the bits that they had been told by the people they’d visited over time; it was all in there and they put it together well. I enjoyed it and I think that’s the most important thing; and I saw everyone else enjoyed it too.”

The students also told us they gained a lot from the project - from growing their confidence and teamwork skills, to changing their views about older people and their perspective of life in general. One pupil said “we’ve got so much to learn from care home residents” and this was a common theme amongst the pupils. One student spoke of a gentleman who had lost both of his legs in WWII and had gone onto become a successful actor, “it was amazing to see someone who had been through so much in their youth to be telling these stories and be so happy today.” 

The school’s Head of Drama said the pupils had “gained confidence, empathy for the elderly and collaborative skills in rehearsing. The project was a great way for the students to become involved in a local community on our doorstep.” 

Wendy, who led the project at Embracing Age says “The grant from Culture Seeds allowed us to create a beautiful space, that built a lasting connection between a group of young people and elderly residents in a care home. We witnessed the joy and delight from the elderly residents, their feeling of value sharing their stories. We watched the girls’ excitement and confidence grow listening to these stories, and making them into a play. It was a truly magical experience.”

You can watch highlights of the performance and interviews with some of the residents and pupils below.

It can be hard to visit someone you love when it seems like they are slipping further away into their dementia, or losing their ability to communicate verbally. When it feels like you’re not making a difference and your visits aren’t remembered it’s understandable to begin to wonder if it’s even worth visiting at all. It is! Though people living with dementia may soon forget the details of your visit, they will be left with the emotional memory for far longer. The feeling of being loved, cared for, happy.

So how do we try and make our visits those which leave the person we love feeling loved, cared for and happy? How do we bring enjoyment to someone living with advanced dementia? Here are my top tips:

1. What were the interests and hobbies of your loved one? Did they like particular music, or art? What smells, tastes, sounds, touch and visual stimulation will bring enjoyment to them? Even people with very advanced dementia can experience enjoyment through the senses and it can create connections.
2. Sound - favourite music, singing, favourite TV/radio theme tunes. Poetry - old familiar poetry like The Owl and the Pussy Cat. The lady I visit loves Shakespeare’s sonnets. She can’t remember what she was doing half an hour ago but she can join in when I’m reading his sonnets to her.
3. Vision - photos of family, old holiday snaps, pictures of anything that the person with dementia would find stimulating. I visited a lady once who had very advanced dementia and it was impossible to hold a coherent conversation with her. But she mentioned to me that she liked a group of artist called the “Canadian Five”. With the help of google I printed off some paintings which I took the following week. We were able to have an amazing conversation as she talked about these pictures.
4. Smell - lavendar, rosemary, favourite perfumes or aftershaves. Take your loved one for a walk in the care home garden - admire the sights and interact with the smells, especially if there are herbs growing in the garden.
5. Taste - what are their favourite foods? HOw about bringing in a mango or something similar. Of course, you may need to check with care home staff first, because of risks of choking.
6. Touch - the importance of caring touch can not be over estimated. You can learn to do a simple hand massage technique that can really bring connection between you are your loved one. Here’s a link.
7. There are so many other things to touch and feel. I once visited a lady who was bed bound with very advanced dementia and had visual impairment. I learned she used to be a seamstress and made beautiful wedding dresses, so I got some offcuts from our local bridal shop and she would spend ages touching and caressing them. (See photo) And how about bubble wrap? Who doesn’t enjoy a good pop of the bubbles?
8. Talking of bubbles - they can be a lot of fun - both blowing them and popping them. I spent time with a lady in a Namaste care room recently . She wasn’t interacting at all, just watching. She couldn’t even have a hand massage due to a condition of her hands. But when we started blowing bubbles and we put the bubble wand to her lips she blew and created her own bubbles. It was so special.
9. I’ve mentioned going outside but it’s worth repeating. Many people with dementia are living in a locked unit for the safety of residents. To be able to go outside can be so liberating - the fresh air, the flowers, the birds, the trees.
10. Art - painting, drawing and colouring. These are great in themselves and particularly good for people who have lost the ability to communicate verbally. I recently learned that the lady I visit used to draw horses so now each week I take in a sketch book and pencils for her to have a go.
11. A manicure - who doesn’t love a bit of pampering? A manicure isn’t just for ladies either - there are men who liked to be well groomed too. And combine it with a gentle hand massage for the ultimate enjoyment.

I have a bag now which I take to the care home every week. It has a basic manicure kit, a portable speaker, hand cream, a sketch book, photos, pictures and music on my phone. I can then offer different activities depending on the mood and fancy of the lady I visit. There are some weeks it doesn’t go that well, if she is having a particularly bad day, but more often than not it has enabled me to bring her a little enjoyment. Although I have been visiting for nearly two years I still have to introduce myself every week and I know she has no memory of my previous visit. And yet, I do sense that she knows me. At the very least she associates me with good feelings, and that for me, makes all worth while.

We are delighted to welcome John Noble as a new ambassador for Embracing Age. We asked John to share some of his story:

​Tell us a bit about yourself and your experience of supporting a loved one with dementia.
Well Tina, that’s a challenge without writing a book! I’ve been in Christian ministry with my lovely wife for almost 60 years! We were married in 1958 and after seeing the folly of some involvement we had in the occult, we soon found the Holy Spirit at work in our lives as we were caught up with the Charismatic Renewal which emerged in the 1960s in a big way. Alongside bringing our five wonderful children into the world, we planted churches, shared in great conferences like Spring Harvest and developed a team to serve the church here in the UK and around the World.
Having been trained at the Royal Academy, Christine had a passion to see the arts functioning freely in worship and the church’s mission. With her team she pioneered the use of movement, drama and art which, with a strong prophetic element, enriched our gatherings at every level. She was greatly used in the gifts of the Holy Spirit and has seen many people delivered, healed and released into ministry. She also did much to gender self-esteem with women and encouraged them to pursue their God-given callings in work, home and church in whichever way the Lord was leading them. 
Together we were a great team and spent many years serving the church from simple tribal village fellowships in Asia and Africa to the city churches of the West and beyond.
In 2011 Christine was diagnosed with an aggressive form of dementia and we were faced with the greatest challenge of our long and happy relationship. I was devastated and wanted everyone to know and pray for us, while Christine was inclined to be in a measure of denial. This immediately led to some tension and made it difficult to manage the inevitable adjustments the progression of the disease brought. Nothing I had been through in life had prepared me for the situation we found ourselves in and so began a massive learning curve for me.
I must admit that I didn’t always handle things very well as the Christine I knew seemed to fade away and a different Christine emerged. It was a Christine who didn’t behave and react the way she had done in the past and left me coming to terms with a disturbing range of emotions from bewilderment and confusion to hurt, anger and sadness. If it wasn’t for the support of a loving family, praying friends and a few people with experience who listened to my pain and took time to sympathise and gently give some words of counsel, I would not have survived. 
Two days after my 80th birthday Christine was taken into care for a couple of weeks to sort out her medication which wasn’t working too well. It was the worst day of my life and I wept buckets. During her short stay she was seen to be in an advanced stage of disease and the assessor said that she was amazed that we had managed to cope for so long. So, Christine stayed in the home which was both a relief and a further devastation.
Why are you motivated to see more volunteers in care homes?
I have visited Christine every day for the last 22 months and watched her deteriorate to the point where she is immobile and has all but lost her speech. By God’s grace this experience has softened my heart and changed my understanding of those who have to cope or live with the disease. 
I see the incredible commitment of so many carers, the majority of whom are immigrants. They work long shifts and the pay is not great. Every day they face the challenges of residents, most of whom are confused and concerned or totally dependent on their input and a few can be quite aggressive. Their time is taken up with the simple chores of dealing with the basic needs of feeding, washing and watching. Whilst many go the extra mile and try to spend time interacting with residents it is impossible for them to give the attention which would help to make life a little more bearable, especially for those who have no family or friends to visit.
I began to think about the difference a few volunteers, who have received a little training, could make to the lives, not only of the residents, but to the staff as well. I have seen how easy it is to get alongside folk to give them some assurance and a little love which brings light into their darkness and peace in their confusion. We have also made some real friendships with the staff who appreciate us being around and they are interested when we take time to share something of our experiences and faith.
There is another area where I see we can make a difference if we are sensitive. During one of my first visits to see Christine I was distressed and upset. A lady who was visiting her mother took a moment to come over to me and offer kind words of comfort and encouragement. During my daily visits I have had dozens of opportunities to do the same for other visitors who might be facing an emotional challenge with their loved one. 
In our daily lives we find it difficult to engage with people who are busily going about their daily routines. However, when a life is turned upside down by the circumstances which bring them to a care home, they are vulnerable and open to receive a little love and tenderness which a caring volunteer might be able to offer.
When I discovered Embracing Age and all that you are doing, I was delighted and thrilled to know that my growing concern to see an army of volunteers supporting care homes across the UK was already being addressed a professional way. Thanks Tina for the amazing work you have started and more power to your elbow!
​If you could give one piece of advice to the younger generation what would it be?
Sadly, over recent years in our society, community life is all but gone. The security and support communities provided has been dissipated. Family life has largely disappeared and people are more and more isolated. One tragic result of this is an ever-widening generational gap which breeds suspicion, fear and even anger and aggression between the young and old.
My advice to the younger generation which is emerging in this climate is, please take time to consider the long-term effects of perpetuating this situation. One day you will be old and will need love and support. So, with all the energy, hopes and aspirations you have, let us, together, find a way to buck the trend and reverse the divisions. Let us rediscover the incredible reservoir of wisdom and energy which reside in the two generations and see how this can be a force for positive change in this troubled world. ​